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Let me take you back to April 1997.....

6 weeks earlier, I had had a vasectomy, and as part of the process, you have to send samples away to confirm that you have attained the legendary status of being a Jaffa (seedless!)
My Mrs took the kids to school, and I went into the kitchen and pulled one of my fave VHS cassettes off the top of the kitchen cupboard and proceeded to persuade a sample into the test tube. This eventually happened and then the sample was corked, wrapped in bubble wrap and put into a jiffy bag marked "Royal Liverpool Hospital Pathology Department".
I walked round the corner to our local post office, where there was quite a queue of people in front of me. Eventually I made it to the front of the line with a dozen or so people now queued behind me.
I pushed the package under the window and the postwoman said to me "What is it?",
"A sperm sample", I replied
"No", she said, "First or Second Class??"
The line of people behind me burst into hysterical laughter and I felt the blood rushing into my cheeks. I paid the postage and left hurridly, and can honestly say, that to this day, I have never been in there since!!!

I'm sure I've typed this up here before but this is one I can remember instantly.

Last Christmas, at a family do round my aunts. A room containing my aunt & uncle who's house it was, my (male) cousin of 35 yrs, female cousin, my 2 boys and a few other various aunts & uncles. The food was all on a round table in the far corner of the room. I had just been to the toilet and went in and straight over to the table with the food with my back to everyone. After about 5 minutes, my female cousin comes running over and fusses with my skirt behind me. It turns out I had accidentally tucked my skirt into the top of the see-thru tights I had on and I wasn't wearing any knickers

oh my, that's legendary.

I shall think i can remember one about me

commando christmas! sounds like a great tradition....

My current one involves being so bombed at Phil's recent DJ set that I tried to snog Jof as we said our goodbye's. Anyone top that??????

When my mum caught me masturbating.... twice in one week.

It was before DVD players were invented, the vhs video I had in my room did not have a remote control....

Christ that was embarrasing.

Also losing my virginity to a girl who absolutely screamed the house down, my mum was out and I had the whole house to myself; the neighbours came around to see what was happening... they had almost called the police. The old woman from over the road thought I was some kind of murderer after that vivid afternoon... and I got dumped 2 days later!!


I thought I did alright.

hehehe nice one memly you horny devil...

An X's mom walked in while i was having some mouth relief Quite funny really because she walked straight back out and we continued......

...Being told that the light in the dining room swayed back and forth when me and the ex were 'at it'. By her mum!

Mucus wrote:My current one involves being so bombed at Phil's recent DJ set that I tried to snog Jof as we said our goodbye's. Anyone top that??????

I've never been that drunk.

I know Mr. Manns has a quality embarrassing story... Something about miming bands, alcohol, folding bikes and trains...

Dog wrote:...Being told that the light in the dining room swayed back and forth when me and the ex were 'at it'. By her mum!

Are you sure it wasn't the whole planet swaying & just the light staying still??

Or an earthquake?

Well, she did say the earth moved for her so...

I bet it did.

Dog wrote:Well, she did say the earth moved for her so...

....her parents got the builders in to underpin the house to cure the subsidence.