"He was much loved and admired for his appearances in the long-running series The Two Ronnies, with Ronnie Corbett, as prison inmate Fletcher, in the series Porridge, and as Arkwright, the bumbling, stuttering, sex-obsessed shopkeeper in Open All Hours. "
A comic legend IMO
Heres the legendary "4 Candles" sketch:
In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer.
CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go.
(Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie)
BARKER: Four Candles!
CORBETT: Four Candles?
BARKER: Four Candles.
(Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter)
BARKER: No, four candles!
CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles!
BARKER: No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!
(Ronnie Corbett puts the candles away, and goes to get a fork handle. He places it onto the counter)CORBETT (muttering): Fork handles. Thought you said 'four candles!' (more clearly) Next?
BARKER: Got any plugs?
CORBETT: Plugs. What kind of plugs?
BARKER: A rubber one, bathroom.
(Ronnie Corbett gets out a box of bath plugs, and places it on the counter)
CORBETT (pulling out two different sized plugs): What size?
BARKER: Thirteen amp!
CORBETT (muttering): It's electric bathroom plugs, we call them, in the trade. Electric bathroom plugs!
(He puts the box away, gets out another box, and places on the counter an electric plug, then puts the box away)
BARKER: Saw tips!
CORBETT: Saw tips? (he doesn't know what he means) What d'you want? Ointment, or something like that?
BARKER: No, saw tips for covering saws.
CORBETT: Oh, haven't got any, haven't got any. (he mutters) Comin' in, but we haven' got any. Next?
BARKER: 'O's!
CORBETT: 'O's?
BARKER: 'O's.
(He goes to get a hoe, and places it on the counter)
BARKER: No, 'O's!
CORBETT: 'O's! I thought you said 'O! (he takes the hose back, and gets a hose, whilst muttering) When you said 'O's, I thought you said 'O! 'O's!
(He places the hose onto the counter)
BARKER: No, 'O's!
CORBETT (confused for a moment): O's? Oh, you mean panty 'o's, panty 'o's! (he picks up a pair of tights from beside him)
BARKER: No, no, 'O's! 'O's for the gate. Mon repose! 'O's! Letter O's!
CORBETT (finally realising): Letter O's! (muttering) You had me going there!
(He climbs up a stepladder, gets a box down, puts the ladder away, and takes the box to the counter, and searches through it for letter O's)
CORBETT: How many d'you want?
BARKER: Two.
(Ronnie Corbett leaves two letter O's on the counter, then takes the box back, gets the ladder out again, puts the box away, climbs down the ladder, and puts the ladder away, then returns to the counter)
CORBETT: Yes, next?
BARKER: Got any P's?
CORBETT (fed up): For Gawd' sake, why didn' you bleedin' tell me that while I was up there then? I'm up and down the shop already, it's up and down the bleedin' shop all the time. (He gets the ladder out, climbs up and gets the box of letters down, then puts the ladder away) Honestly, I've got all this shop, I ain't got any help, it's worth it we plan things. (He puts the box on the counter, and gets out some letter P's) How many d'you want?
BARKER: No! Tins of peas. Three tins of peas!
CORBETT: You're 'avin' me on, ain't ya, yer 'avin' me on?
BARKER: I'm not!
(Ronnie Corbett dumps the box under the counter, and gets three tins of peas)
CORBETT (placing the tins on the counter): Next?
BARKER: Got any pumps?
CORBETT (getting really fed up): 'And pumps, foot pumps? Come on!
BARKER (surprised he has to ask): Foot pumps!
CORBETT (muttering, as he goes down the shop): Foot pumps. See a foot pump? (He sees one, and picks it up) Tidy up in 'ere.
(He puts the pump down on the counter)
BARKER: No, pumps fer ya feet! Brown pump, size nine!
CORBETT (almost at breaking point): You are 'avin' me on, you are definitely 'avin' me on!
BARKER (not taking much notice of Corbett's mood): I'm not!
CORBETT: You are 'avin' me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places them on the counter) Next?
BARKER: Washers!
CORBETT (really close to breaking point): What, dishwashers, floor washers, car washers, windscreen washers, back scrubbers, lavatory cleaners? Floor washers?
BARKER: 'Alf inch washers!
CORBETT: Oh, tap washers, tap washers? (He finally breaks, and makes to confiscate his list) Look, I've had just about enough of this, give us that list. (He mutters) I'll get it all myself! (Reading through the list) What's this? What's that? Oh that does it! That just about does it! I have just about had it! (calling through to the back) Mr. Jones! You come out and serve this customer please, I have just about had enough of 'im. (Mr. Jones comes out, and Ronnie Corbett shows him the list) Look what 'e's got on there! Look what 'e's got on there!
JONES (who goes to a drawer with a towel hanging out of it, and opens it): Right! How many would ya like? One or two?
(He removes the towel to reveal the label on the drawer - 'Bill hooks'!)
Ronnie Barker RIP
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Here you go:memly wrote:I tried finding the script for that one, but couldnt. Absolutely fascinating sketch. The timing is perfect too. The man certainly knew his timing.stimpee wrote:I always loved the Mastermind one where he answers the question before last. Utter genius.
If you haven't seen the below before, it's a Two Ronnies sketch, with Ronnie
Barker playing Magnus Magnusson and Ronnie Corbett playing the contestant.
--
B: Good evening. Your name please?
C: Good evening.
B: In the first heat, your chosen subject was "Answering Questions Before They Were Asked"; this time you have chosen to "Answer the Question Before Last". Is that correct?
C: Charlie Smithers.
B: Your time starts... now. What is palaeontology?
C: Yes, absolutely correct.
B: What is the name of the directory which lists members of the Peerage?
C: A study of old fossils.
B: Correct. Who are Len Murray and Sir Geoffrey Howe?
C: Burke's.
B: Correct. What is the difference between a donkey and an ass?
C: One's a trade union leader, the other's a member of the Cabinet.
B: Correct. Complete the quotation, "To be or not to be".
C: They're both the same.
B: Correct. What is Bernard Manning famous for?
C: That is the question.
B: Correct. Who is the present Archbishop of Canterbury?
C: He is a fat man who tells blue jokes.
B: Correct. What do people kneel on in church?
C: The Right Reverend Robert Runcie.
B: Correct. What do tarantulas prey on?
C: Hassocks.
B: Correct. What would you use a rip-cord to pull open?
C: Large flies.
B: Correct. What sort of a person lived in Bedlam?
C: A parachute.
B: Correct. What is a jockstrap?
C: A nutcase.
B: Correct. For what purpose would a decorator use methylene chloride?
C: A form of athletic support.
B: Correct. What did Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec do?
C: Paint strippers.
B: Correct. Who is Dean Martin?
C: He's a kind of artist.
B: Yes---what sort of artist?
C: Pass.
B: That's near enough. What make of vehicle is the standard London bus?
C: A singer.
B: Correct. In 1892, Brandon Thomas wrote a famous long-running English farce---what was it?
C: British Leyland.
B: Correct. Complete the following quotation---
[bleep bleep]
B: I've started, so I'll finish---about Mrs Thatcher: "Her heart may be in the right place, but her..."
C: Charley's Aunt.
B: Correct.
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